Fingers Crossed

Life has taken a crazy turn. As soon as I let go of the stuff that was holding me back. and what dose God do, but answer my prayers. More to come!

When It All Comes Crashing Down

You know when you think you have everything figured out? I was there about a week ago. I thought I had my game plan set out. I found that I did more harm than good! Instead of being a man and approaching her and telling her how I felt, I posted twitters that made her feel like I wanted her to seem like a bad person, but that was not my intention. Regardless, I shouldn't have done what I did. Now everything I wanted could be gone forever. All because I was arrogant and a coward. I though I was so perfect that she would be dumb not the be with me. NOT THE CASE! I am not perfect, I was a coward. On the bright side this is just another one of those things that gives me sight to become closer to the truth. That is my quest. To become a modern day knight and find the TRUTH! Pray for me to focus on what is most important.

What I learned from Toy Story

This blog might be a bit sparitac, but that is because this idea is fresh in my mind, I don't have the puzzle 100% together yet, but is was so crazy I had to write it down. Next time you hear someone say that they "NEED him/her," take a second to think about what the word need means... Need is defined as something that is required or essential. We like to tell people that we need them, and yes we do, BUT where do you draw the line between needing and wanting? Think about this for a moment: I can cook! I can clean! I can take care of myself! I can fix pretty much anything that breaks! So why do I "need" anyone? The Truth is that when we need something, it is a necessity that we cannot live with out, biologically cannot survive without it! Let me try and blow your mind for one second. We biologically NEED rain, food, air, water, etc... BUT have you ever heard someone say "I hate rain," or "I hate drinking water." So here is my thesis... You CAN hate what you need, but you DON'T EVER hate something you want!.... Do you agree? Let me ask you this, do you hate a car that you want? What if you NEEDED a car, could you hate the car you got, that you NEEDED, because it is not your dream car? Do you hate music that you WANT to listen to? Do you hate your favorite food that you want? WANT v. NEED? Now would you rather someone need you, need as in they can't live without you, like they can't survive without water or food. OR would you rather someone WANT you? They desire you to be with them, that is why you are there, or they WANT you to be there! Want is to wish for! Think about Disney for a second, I know Disney is not that manly, but think of what Disney represents; wishing for something could make it come true!!! Consider Toy Story (by Disney and Pixar) Woody wanted to get back to Andy, he didn't need too. Andy could have lived a perfectly good and normal life, after a short amount of time of grief, Andy would survive. Woody, and Buzz as well, could continue to be toys, another kid could pick them up and give them all the love they wanted. Was it that they NEEDED each other? Andy could play with any toy he wanted too, Woody could have gotten the love he needed from any kid, BUT they WANTED each other! Andy WANTED to love and play with Woody; Woody wanted to love and interact with Andy. Woody's need was to be interacted with, anyone could fill that need. The want was to be interacted with by Andy! And if we think back on the last part of Toy Story, and the extent that Woody, as well as Buzz, went to, to get back to Andy was amazing! They fought so hard to get what they wanted, they didn't care about what they NEEDED they cared about what they WANTED! They wanted Andy, and no one else. So next time you hear someone, or find yourself saying you, "NEED him/her," take a second and think.... If someone WANTS you there they are more willing to fight to 1) Get you there 2) Keep you there 3) Fight to get back to you! Because they have a biological need that is filled by you, but in reality that need could be filled by anyone. BUT if they want you there that means that they picked you, over anyone else out there, to fill a psychological NEED: TO BE LOVED BY THE PERSON THEY WANT TO BE LOVED BY! 

I have decided to FIGHT!

After a few weeks of feeling like I had been put through the wringer of life, I got a refreshing message. "Hey, how have you been? What have you been doing? I think I forgot what your voice sounds like and what you look like!" This was a crazy needed message from this particular person, who I had decided to distance myself from for my own sanity, because I wanted to be with her, but she was still involved, unhappily might I add, with her ex. I was beat up by how things went with her. I called her EVERYDAY, did EVERYTHING I could to show her how much I care for her, and it got me no where. BUT hearing back from her, knowing she wanted to talk to me, was one of the best feelings in the world! And this time I have decided to FIGHT! Women like to be pursued, and I thought that was what I was doing, but I wasn't. I was chasing her, with the though in my head that I could catch her. This time I am going to pursue, and unlike last time I am GUNNA get her! The last time I went after her, I was doing it for me. So I would have a pretty girl on my arm of everyone to see. NOW I realize that I was wrong! SO WRONG! That was so incredibility unfair of me. Now I realized, yes, God wanted me to pursue her, but he wanted me to rescue her, and I couldn't do that because I was so worried about me! I am single, unattached, and not in an abusive situation, I am not the one that needs to be rescued by her, she needs to be rescued by me! I need to fight to get her to believe she is worth everything. She is worth fighting for. She is worth enough to not date some one that she has to force to go to church. She is worth being called every night, every day, every time she asks to be called. She is worth being cared for. She is worth being told sorry when it is needed. She is worth so much that she should NEVER cry, because she is sad, because she is unhappy, because she loves God and he doesn't, because she was just cussed at. She is worth knowing everyday that I care for her, I WANT to go to church, I WANT to love God, I WANT to call her, I WANT to know how her day was, I WANT to know if I need to be sorry, I WANT to know if I can do anything- ANYTHING- for her, I WANT to be there for her, I WANT LOVE HER, I WANT TO BE MORE THAN A MAN FOR HER! I will fight, as a knight should, to rescue her from the bad situation she is in. I AM A MODERN DAY KNIGHT THAT IS ON A QUEST TO RESCUE HER!

#1 Psychological Lie We Try to believe!

I have been told, "I don't know what I want..." This is a load of crap and a lie! There is the notion that it is okay to not know what we want, while we know we what we do not want. This is simply not true. The inverse of knowing what we DON'T WANT would be knowing what we DO want. We trick ourselves into believing we don't know what we want, while all the while knowing what we do not want. This is a ridiculous notion. We will refuse to look deep within ourselves and find what we want and even more we refuse to look upon what we want and then act upon it. I sincerely believe that God puts people into our lives for a reason. When we ignore what God is putting in front of us, and He wants us to be involved with them, He will continue to put that person in our lives. The way that things fall into place is not by coincidence. When you move 3 times and the same person moves to the same place each time, I believe God wants us to realize that occurrence as HIM not coincidence! BUT the issue we run into is if someone is so wrapped up in themselves they cannot realize the same occurrences as a call to action, a call to pursue a real relationship. When they are so wrapped up in themselves and the past that they miss what could be. Not knowing what you want and Knowing what you don't want is a psychological problem that would not happen if we stopped to look within ourselves and submit to God's design for our world! God is bigger than we are and we need to believe that, not knowing what we want could be solved simply by asking, "God show me what you want!" We spend so much time looking at what we want that we can miss what GOD wants and thus miss the best thing, or someone, that could ever happen to us.

My Purpose

From the attempts to unpack the dizzying reality that is life, to many failed attempts to begin relationships, I have decided to step back and take a look at a what is going on in my world. I have spent my time as of recent looking at the psychology of life and human behavior and what God has said defines a man. I have decided to put my dangerous thoughts into a blog. This is something I have never considered, but now I am. Hope you enjoy reading!